Without a doubt, we believe that every workplace should have a healthy supply of caffeine—which just so happens to come in the form of coffee. This led us to take it upon ourselves to bring you the name of the most effective coffee suitable to cure any and all cases of Apocalyptic Zombie Employee Syndrome or AZES.
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After five absolutely grueling minutes of Googling the world’s strongest coffee (and having had a cup of our own), we were led into a world so dark, so dangerous, so secretive that we were forced to venture to the second page of search results on Google (gasp!). What is the name of this warning-label-mandated drink? Death Wish (cue haunted house music with thunder)!!! So…yeah…that’s the name of the coffee; pretty self-explanatory, is it not?
Granted, the name alone (not to mention the very deliberately placed skull and crossbones…) is enough to swear you off the product.
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Of course, this is understandable. The idea that drinking more than two cups could potentially lead to your permanent deletion is a slightly worrying—if not fatal—thought, but it’s not that bad! Think about it this way, whereas your run-of-the-mill coffee would require you to drink near twelve cups to get through the day (what, with sitting in your office corner with no one even knowing you are alive, coffee will become your best friend—although, the time to worry is when you start talking to it…), Death Wish would only require you take a cup in a day! Harboring 200% more caffeine in eight ounces than regular coffee (that’s 434 milligrams of caffeine), you will find yourself a super fan of Katy Perry’s ‘I’m Wide Awake’!
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Though beware, consuming more than the recommended 16 ounces could possibly lead to: jitters, increased heartbeat, nausea, anxiety, cardiac arrhythmia, insomnia, sweating, dizziness, vomiting, a heart attack…maybe death…maybe (who knows these days?). Other than the fact that drinking an eight ounce cup of this coffee is like downing 5 Red Bulls all at once, it’s all good!
On a brighter note that doesn’t result you in a soup of your doom, testimonials of the product rave from fantastic to fantastically-raving-madly-great. It is proclaimed to have a boldly smooth taste without the bitterness—making it suitable for no-sugar drinkability—with the added positive of not giving you jitters (it’s like alcohol, it won’t get you drunk if you drink with moderation). One comment on their website read “It goes down easily, then KICK!”
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As a precautionary measure, we researched how many cups could potentially (dare we say) kill you:
If you are 140lbs: 15 cups can kill you
If you are 150lbs: 16 cups can kill you.
If you are 160lbs: 17 cups can kill you.
We’re guessing that by now you have seen a pattern in the caffeine overdose point and would just like to let you know, this coffee is no laughing matter and can be very dangerous. Okay, try it out and let us know what you think. Have a great day!